Sun-kissed And Water-buffed

The next time I'm back at the Gold Coast, I'm bringing binoculars.

It's fascinating to see the kind of things residents in high rise buildings get up to when they think - presumably - that no one is watching. I watched amazed one evening as a couple across the way went for it in the bathtub then in the shower. And when they were done, the guy - who even from afar I could see was buffed and well-endowed - stood in front of the window rubbing himself dry with the towel first behind his back and then between his crotch, all the while his penis bobbed up and down like an over-zealous pendulum. Unfortunately, I couldn't make out whether his was cut or not.

I spent the long weekend up north in Queensland with the family for a mini-getaway and to do the Holy Trinity of theme parks: Sea World, Movie World and Dream World. It's something we've always talked about but never got around to doing until now. To be honest, I didn't really think much of going at first since the thought of spending four days with snotty kids and daggy rides didn't at all seem appealing. But I had fun.

I like Queensland. Much more than I like Sydney. It feels closer to the laid back vibe and culture of Melbourne and, of course, with all the extra benefits of sun, surf and sun-kissed, water-buffed boys. And boy, were there plenty of 'em! Nowhere else had I ever seen a Micky Dees full of boardies-wearing, topless guys instead of the fat, tracksuit wearing mob that usually populate the place. Not for the first time that weekend was I salivating for something more than a Big Mac.

As for the theme parks, they were exhausting but I made sure to get my money's worth and went on almost all the rides. I did the Corkscrew twice at Sea World and at Movie World, Superman Escape was followed straight by the Lethal Weapon rollercoaster. I think a little bit of pee came out from that. At Dream World, the last theme park, I rode the Tower of Terror... and no, that isn't a reference to John Holmes and his (in)famous phallic member.

Apart from that, went out Saturday night to Cavill St Mall and Orchard Avenue, which looked to be the nightlife strip at Surfers Paradise. Part King St, part Chapel St with hints of St Kilda's Fitzroy St, it was filled with bars, strip joints, really good shopping and drunk men with great arms and pot bellies. Strange. Would have liked for a bit of beach-flavoured holiday fling but I was with sister and brother-in-law so felt the need to behave.

And lastly, at our hotel was the most delectable porter who looked like he stepped out of an aussieBum catalogue. Dark cropped hair, piercing blue eyes, delicious golden tan and an obviously pretty banging body underneath his thin cotton uniform. When he took my luggage, the bottom of his top lifted to reveal a surf-toned six-pack abs with a light snail trail. I wondered how much of a tip I needed to give for the kind of room service they don't advertise on the Guest Directory........

On my last day, I went to the beach and cooled off in the waters of the Pacific Ocean. It was freezing but I persisted. It helped. You know what I mean?