Holding My Tongue

It's been three days and I still can't talk or eat properly. I have a massive ulcer on the side of my tongue and it's excruciating. What started off as a little blister late Saturday, grew four times in size by Monday. Now, even the smallest attempt at speaking or chewing brings tears to the eyes. I've been reduced to living on mushy food like a toothless baby and have grunts, nods and moans for replies.

It's not all bad I guess, as unbelievable as it is with the pain, I've found that there is an upside. I've learnt how true the saying "silence is golden" really is, but probably not in the way you might think.

In the past few days of my forced silence, I've been admired for my attentiveness, patience and even my tenacious listening skills. If they only knew what I was really saying in my head, then they wouldn't be so forthcoming with the superlatives.

You become very aware of many things one might usually miss when a voice is readily available to rely on. For example, people seem to have a general aversion to silence and will try, subconsciously or otherwise, to fill the void with noise, either with nonsense ranting or more of the same conversation. I noticed this the other day when a friend of mine was counting off her many reasons for not liking a particular person we knew. She must have felt that my not answering her was a way of not validating her responses because she kept rattling on. In the end, I realised that she was actually making herself believe her own excuses.

And conversely, how amazing it is to learn how to economise your words. To say as little as possible but pass on a multitude of meanings. The right combination of head turns, finger actions and simple grunts can convey so much... and so variedly that it's fun to see what the reply would be.

But the icing on the cake has to be when some stranger started talking loudly at me because I was giving her non-verbal responses. I dunno whether she thought I was dumb and therefore deaf, but um, hello? I can understand fine, just not saying a word. Sheesh.

At least, I still have the power of the written word to adequately express myself. And what's even better is I have my new laptop... sorry, notebook to do it with. I have a new baby to play with and it is beautiful. Yesterday, I spent the afternoon out in the backyard, sitting in the sun and wirelessly interneting until dusk. It was bliss.

The only thing that would have made it better was if I had someone else to bring me mushy food and cool drinks when needed. Vanilla ice cream and iced lemon tea... served by a topless, sexy houseboy. Hmmm... yes, because that would have cured all sorts of ails.