Loser

I'm feeling like the biggest loser right now. The tax refund I just received recently, and the one I was planning on putting aside for a rainy day, is gone. Already. Well, there's about $100 of it left - but that might as well be zero.

I didn't realise I had spent so much this month until my credit card statement arrived. Fuck me. My financial planner would weep - if I actually bothered to see him anymore. I won't tell you what I spent my money on. Not junk since I purchased what I did for a reason - but that could be a moot point if others are asked.

Seeing the bill today made me realise - in all its black and white glory - that I'm living almost a thousand dollars a month beyond my means and I am ever so slowly, but oh so surely, drowning in debt.

My mum has started making jokes about the money they've loaned me as "being written in water". Well, it loses something from the translation but it's probably more close to the saying of things being written in the sand. What it really means is that the Mum & Dad Bank is no longer holding its breath to see its loans repaid anytime soon. If at all. I think that's what cuts the most - to know that my parents have come to believe that about me. And they're right.

Rain money gone. Credit card still not zero.

"Hi, my name is Joshua. And I'm a fucking broke arse loser..."