Under The Weather

Long weekend was interesting.

It was Anzac Day on Friday and despite it being a public holiday, I actually worked. In fact, I worked longer hours than usual since I covered for someone who took the day off. I didn't mind. I need the cash.

Late that night, I went to a party and got drunk. Very drunk. Swore like a sailor and danced like a slut kinda drunk. Of course, I couldn't remember a thing the next day, but suspiciously, I woke up finding cuts and bruises on my knees. Happened again.

Saturday, I spent trying to recover from a major hangover, which was made exponentially worse by the fact that I had to be at work. Surrounded by little children. Snooty dance student children. With their stage mothers. Passively aggressive, incessantly demanding mothers. Lucky I left my shotgun at home.

Sunday was a long day. I got up early to pick up a friend from the airport who is staying for a week. Fletcher is moving down to Melbourne from Sydney for a "culture change" and to further his career in the fashion industry. He's a wonderful guy but sometimes his extrovertness really grates. He's too friendly, too in your face and too upbeat. Am I being a fuddy-duddy to think that way? I know there's nothing wrong with him but the thought of his staying with me for a whole week really frustrates me. I'm trying to feel otherwise but having had heartburns and headaches since Saturday hasn't helped. I really hate being under the weather.

Speaking of which, this video was a saving grace over the weekend. Mr Gay Weatherman made me laugh so much, milk came out of my nose.

I was having breakfast and eating cereals at the time.

Try To Keep Up

One day, Joshua meets Jacob and the two unlikely duo become friends. Meanwhile, Joshua begins to get to know Raoul and introduces him to Jacob. Raoul is from out of town. At the same time, Chris arrives on the scene and befriends Joshua. He just arrived in the city.

When Raoul pays Joshua and Jacob a visit, he brings along friends, Zac and Daniel. The five boys go out for the night, with Chris tagging along. Zac mentions to Raoul that he finds Jacob interesting, but sadly nothing happens between the two. Meanwhile, Joshua introduces Chris to Daniel and the two hit it off. They're not seen again for the rest of the evening. The next day, the three out-of-towners go back home. Chris and Daniel remain friends.

Some time later, Joshua and Jacob meet Simon at a social group. He is a nice boy, similar to Joshua. Simon has a friend named Michael and is introduced to the two. Joshua and Jacob think that they be something between Simon and Michael but neither can be sure. Michael goes out and spends some time with Joshua and Jacob, but after a while, he goes back to his on-again, off-again boyfriend, Brad, and disappears. Meanwhile, Simon is introduced to Chris and he becomes part of the group, but not before Chris chastises Simon for flirting with partnered Michael.

Joshua and Jacob visit Raoul. At the same time, they catch up with Zac and Daniel. Daniel introduces his friend Sammy. Sammy is hyperactive, but he seems like a nice guy. He tells Joshua and Jacob that he'll come visit them in their city.

A week later. Sammy arrives and catches up with Jacob. Joshua is unavailable. Jacob shows Sammy around the city. Sammy meets Billy who is introduced to Jacob. Jacob finds Billy attractive. Billy needs a new place to stay. He is from out of town, too. Jacob remembers Chris mentioning that he needs a new roommate. Jacob brings Billy around to Chris' house and the two hit it off. Billy moves in. Sammy goes home.

Meanwhile, Chris tells Simon about his new roommate. Simon comes around to meet Billy. He finds him attractive, too. Simon begins to flirt with Billy, knowing that Jacob liked him first. Jacob and Simon come to blows. Jacob feels Simon didn't respect him while Simon doesn't see anything wrong with what he did. Billy remains unawares and Chris finds the whole thing amusing. Joshua watches silently from the sidelines.

Simon's friend, Lars, arrives from out of town and he is introduced to Chris. Lars has a boyfriend back home. The three spend Saturday night drinking at Simon's house. Simon sleeps at the guest bed, while Chris and Lars sleep in his. Simon wakes up in the middle of the night hearing Chris and Lars fucking. Simon is not happy but doesn't confront either. Lars goes back home the next day and Simon confronts Chris. The two come to blows. Simon feels Chris didn't respect him while Chris doesn't see anything wrong with what had happened. Jacob finds the whole thing amusing and Joshua still watches from the sidelines. It is unsure whether Lars remains unawares.

Cue today. Joshua and Jacob are still friends but as for the rest of the group, well, that seems up in the air.

Confused? Me, too.

Training For Melons

So about October of last year, I was in pretty serious training mode trying to look my best for an upcoming holiday. I was motivated. I was determined. And aside from the occasional slip with alcohol and a handful of chocolates now and then, I was pretty disciplined. I was resolute on achieving my super fantastic gym body.

And I got there; stripping my body fat levels down to single figures as well as putting on a few kilos of pure muscle on my relatively small frame. It took lots of sweats, plenty of grunts and a heap load of persistence. It was the best I've ever looked.

Now, fast forward six months and I find a softer, fatter and a much lazier version of my former fabulous pre-holiday self.

It's not like I didn't try. I jumped straight onto the gym floor pretty much as soon as I'd stepped off the plane to get rid of the excess holiday baggage. I pumped the same weights. I ran on the same treadmills. I went to the same aerobic classes. But nothing.

No improvements, no change in the last three months since jumping back on that fitness wagon. If anything, I'd gotten worse. When not out eating junk and imbibing beer, you could probably find me actually training. Even then, it's only half-heartedly and only once or twice a week. The problem is that I no longer had anything to work towards. Sure, there's my health as the ultimate goal, but I need something more tangible. A definite line on the horizon.

This is where my friend Simon comes in. A budding photographer, he is looking to diversify his portfolio of landscape shots to include studies of portraits and human movement images.

Simon: Can you help me?
Me: With what?
Simon: Can you be one of my models for a new portfolio?
Me: Erm...
Simon: C'mon, please, I'm desperate!
Me: Well, since you make it sound so enticing...
Simon: Thanks!
Me: What is it exactly that I need to pose for?
Simon: Oh, I'm gonna surround you with fruit. And you're gonna be semi-naked. It'll be awesome. You still workout, right?
Me: Well, more or less...

I'm on my second day of a strict training regime.

I'm sore, I'm tired and damn, I'm hungry. But boy, I feel fantastic. I'm motivated again and I'm feeling that same crazy passion for the gym I had months ago. Just as well. I only have 12 weeks to get the temple looking good again... or Simon is gonna have a hard time finding watermelons in the middle of winter, you know, to hide all the flab.

Sure, he's smiling. But the bastard already looks lean...
and clothed.

Oh, boy.........

......I think Phillip dropped one. A royal bomb.

Lofty Ambitions

I've always imagined that by the time I reach my 30s that I'd be living in a crystal palace amongst the clouds somewhere in the middle of the city. Well, the milestone age is only a few years away but the dream is definitely quite far from becoming a reality.

I admit that a big part of the reason why I haven't made any headway to ever realising this dream is the pilfering of a sizable chunk of my youth on overspending and hedonistic pursuits. The kind of things you're only supposed to enjoy generally in retirement, after earning and saving a shit load of cash along the way. But even if I was given the benefit of hindsight and a do-over, I reckon that it would still be pretty darn challenging to achieve even close to what I'd imagined.

Unless you're been living under a rock, in a cave, on an island, somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, you'd be aware that the current (mis)state of World Finances seem to be going down the drain. The way things are going, I'd be lucky to shack up anywhere on my own where there'll not only be electricity but also running water.

But I digress.

The reason why I've delved into this particular bag of nostalgia is an email I came across while clearing out a backlog of saved missives in my Inbox. It was written many years ago. A forward chain, it was one of those timewaster Get To Know You deals designed to give others a peek into one's personality simply by answering a series of random and not-so-random questions. The one that set off this train of thought: how do you see yourself in 10 years time?

Well, aside from the inner city apartment are the following others in my then-future wish list:

• A sports car, preferably a convertible;
  
• A holiday house by the beach;
• A round-the-world trip;
• A family with two kids; and
  
• A room filled with a Lego City
  

So, yes, quite a list, huh? Didn't realise I had such lofty ambitions back then. I guess, that's foresight being optimistic.

Anyway, I have no idea where I'm really going with this post. Just that I found the above fascinating, if not poignant, to see how much disparity there can ultimately be between dream and reality......... Lego City! Ha!

Extratrestrial

An American news reporter was out to get some reaction on a recent alleged UFO sighting at Chicago's O'Hare airport and came across this guy. He could have been stoned, drunk or just plain stupid; either way, he was TV GOLD!

Happy Fools Day!

Anything's Possible

There's something about predictions of the future that we as human beings seem to be eternally fascinated with.

From the enigmatic Nostradamus who is claimed to have foretold everything from The French Revolution to the Kennedy Assassination; to the late Sir Arthur C. Clarke who predicted the emergence of something he referred to as a 'global library', now more commonly known as the Internet, or Porn Library; and George Orwell who envisioned a future omnipresent totalitarian entity that in these days is no more better exemplified in the form of reality television series, Big Brother. History is peppered with soothsayers, prophecies and crystal-ball readings that forecast a multitude of future possibilities.

But what is it about these predictions that we find so captivating? Is it the idea of a better world, a better life that is the allure? A hope that, one day, we would all live in a Utopia filled with wonder, joy and, erm, spaceships? Or is it just our inherently strong desire to see what's around the corner, an early peek before the big reveal?

Recently published online, an article printed in 1968 holds some surprisingly accurate details of what life would be like in 2008. Titled "40 Years In The Future", author James R Berry wrote about cashless transactions, GPS units, phones with TV screens, space tourism and even newspapers that you can read on a screen; things that may sound like common fare today, but 40 years ago were the stuff of sci-fi fantasies.

Which made me wonder, what kind of things will we see 40 years from now? What kind of future-fantastic things can we expect?

Well, I've looked into my crystal ball, jumbled my runes and divined the tea leaves at the bottom of my cup, and have come up with the following predictions for 2048, all with a gay bent, of course:

PERSONAL FORCEFIELDS. People are now individually equipped with an invisible, impermeable barrier that protects in all sense of the word and takes the term of safe sex into a completely different meaning. Just think of it, those awkward moments at the height of passion are forever eliminated.

MIXED DNA. Same sex couples are now able to combine their individual DNA without the need for conventional reproductive means to produce an offspring in their likeness. Brad Pitt and Colin Farrell would surely have the most gorgeous baby in the history of mankind; Iggy Pop and Michael Jackson, not so much.

HOLOGRAPHIC PERSONALS. Gone are the days of grainy pixelated pictures that one must do neck acrobatics with in order to view properly, personal ads of the future will all come with holographic images. Not only can potential partners be viewed head-on but now also back-to-front, upside down and, well, any which way you like. Be warned though: reports of holograms with heads attached to disproportionately-sized bodies also increases.

BIO-ORGANIC GAYDARS. No longer relying on subtle cues and secret handshakes, implanted bio-organic gaydars will soon take the guessing game out of finding out. Not only will you know whether the person you may be interested in is gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, intersex or anything else in between, but this sophisticated little implant will also let you know if they're single, attached, in an open-relationship, or just way too drunk to care or remember.

GAY WORLD. Human civilisation finally becomes an all accepting society with prejudice and bigotry eliminated. Gay marriages are not only legalized but common, but also are gay divorces. Adoptions are open to all sexualities and children are not preferentially provided. Gender identity and sexuality studies become a compulsory subject in all schools which results in youth suicide rates plummeting to zero. There are openly gay leaders in several countries and the world has even seen the installment of the very first gay pope. Equal rights are provided to all.

Okay, so perhaps these things seem a little too fantastical even by today's standards. I mean, who would be comfortable walking around in a forcefield all day? Or be willing to replace an implant that's malfunctioned? I know I probably wouldn't...

But that last one sure sounds great, doesn't it?

Well, whatever happens and however fascinating, there's one thing about the future that's certain: anything IS possible.

Here's hoping.